What I Was - Meg Rosoff

Read for: YA Challenge

After having enjoyed How I Live Now so much, and after reading Nymeth's review, I picked up my next Meg Rosoff novel, What I Was.

Narrated by our protagonist as an old man, the story is predominantly set in the early 1960s, the year in which he "discovered love". Sent to a school for hopeless cases on the East Anglian coast, the narrator finds little of interest in his daily life, with boring school work, bunkmates and professors that he can't stand, yet no home that he wants to return to. It all changes one day, when on a cross country run, he meets Finn, the boy who lives by the sea, and everything changes. Finn, the mysterious boy who rarely speaks a word, who lives by himself in a small run down cottage on the beach. As far as books go, I loved this more than How I Live Now, even when I didn't think that would be possible. As a story though, this resonated perfectly with me. Child on the cusp of adulthood, searching for something he does not understand, something he does not yet have, nor does he know to want it. Until he meets a boy who has all those things.

And Finn, oh Finn. If it is possible to fall for a character in fiction, I fell for him. Such gentleness and hardness all at the same time. Mysterious, yet longing. Each time when I thought I had come to understand him and his friendship with the narrator, I realised I knew nothing of him. It is Finn that is the heart of this story, and Finn whom we are all searching for or longing to become. And that is the beauty of this story. I don't think I can describe it as well as Nymeth, except to say that there is that line, between wanting to love someone, and wanting to be them, that their life is somewhat superior to your own, and that is explored so delicately here.

How is it that as an adult now, I keep discovering these wonderful, insightful books aimed at teenagers? I am quite envious, having not read anything even remotely comparable at that age. Yes there is a twist in What I Was, and although I knew from other reviews that it was coming, I did not look for it and thus did not expect it. I was somewhat sideblinded, and yet not in the typical dramatic way. This twist is perfectly relevant to the story and ultimately how the reader sees the characters. I long to reread the book now that I am aware of this revelation, and I truly hope that it will add to my enjoyment of the book, rather than detract from it.

Other blog reviews:
Things mean a lot "What I Was is also about how idealizing a person can sometimes keep you from seeing how they really are; can make you miss what's right in front of your eyes. And then who do you love? The person of the construct in your head?"

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